4. LOVABLE DAUGHTER IN LAW

Does your husband give importance to you or to his mother? Don't you wish that he must give the first preference to you in all matters? Do you feel upset when your husband gives priority to his mother? Are you happy when he does so. Do you ever speak ill of his mother or complain of her to your husband? Do you try to increase his love and respect towards his mother or lessen it somehow? Did you try to keep your husband away from his mother?
Don't you feel that your husband is much obliged to his mother? Do you remember the Quranic statements, and, prophet's saying about this? Don't you understand that by keeping your husband's mother aloof from him engenders hatered and disrespect in his mind?
You should not forget the divine words and prophet's sayings while trying to keep your husband's mother at a distance by which, you are letting your husband fall into hell. Besides, there is every chance of your accompanying him to the hell.
Allah says: “And you are dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both attain old age in your life time, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour.” (17:23)
“And, do good to the parents, kinsfolk, orphans and the poor, the neighbour who is near of kin, the neighbour who is a stranger, the companion by your side, the way farer, and those whom your right hand possesses.” (4:36)
If you carefully examine these three divine verses you will realise that Allah has mentioned one's obligation to his parents in connection with a believer's obligations to Him. He commands to show the same respect and thanks to the parents that ones they had towards him.
“Come! I'll recite what your Lord has prohibited you from. Join not anything in worship with Him; be good and dutiful to your parents; kill not your children because of poverty. We provide sustenance for you and for them.” (6:151)
“And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship.” (31:14)
“We have enjoined on man to be dutiful and kind to his parents. His mother bears him with hardship. And she brings him forth with hardship and the bearing of him and the weaning of him is thirty months.” (46:15)
The prophet said: Allah's satisfaction lies in the satisfaction of the parents and His anger in their anger also. (Hakim)
A person asked the prophet about the parents. He said to him ‘They are your Heaven and Hell.’ (Ibnu Maja)
If one cannot earn Heaven in spite of having aged parents or one of them with him, he is a loser and is accursed. (Muslim)
Ibnu Abbas has reported as said by the prophet: If anyone, longs for Allah's pleasure with him and does good to his parents, and serves them, two doors of the Heaven will be kept open to him. If he stands against the parents and, disobeys and disregards them, two doors of Hell will be open to him. One of the followers of the prophet asked him “In case the parents are cruel?” The prophet said that even if they show cruelty to him he should not utter a word of displeasure to them.
Abu Huraira reported that one person went to the prophet and asked him “Oh Prophet! who is the best person who can be taken for my best service.” He said “your mother.” He again asked “who is the next person!” Prophet replied “your mother.” He asked once more “who next?” The prophet said “your father.” (Bukhari, Muslim)
Anasbnu Malik has reported Alqama, the prophet's close follower, sincere believer and devotee, and a compassionate man, fell prey to a fatal disease. His wife approached the prophet (SA) and requested him to bless him. The prophet (SA) asked Bilalubnu Rabah, Aliyyubnu Abu Thalib, and Umarul Farook to go to him and report to him the details. They went to Alqama who was nearing death and nursed him and recited verses from Holy Quran to him so that he might recite them. But to their surprise, he could not recite. Bilalubnu Rabah went back to the prophet reported exactly all that happened. Then the prophet (SA) asked him whether Alqama's parents were alive. Bilal said "His father was no more.” But his old mother was with him.
The prophet told Bilal to go to the old woman and convey to her his greetings, and if possible to meet him. If she is not in a position to go to him, he would go to her.
The old woman went to the prophet, who received her with respect. He asked her about Alqama. The old woman said "My son Alqama follows Allah's commands. He is a true believer and righteous man. But he doesn't behave to me well. Therefore I hate him. He very often belittles me in the presence of his wife. Sometimes I had to obey her.”
Prophet said “That is why Alqama's tongue fails to recite the verses of the Holy Quran.”
Following this the prophet asked Bilal to get firewood
in order to throw Alqama into the burning fire. Hearing this the old woman said aloud. Oh, the prophet? Can I bear the sight? The prophet said "Allah's punishment will be worse than this. If possible, you must pardon him. Otherwise, he is not going to benefit from his prayers, fasts and other worships, and deeds.”
The old woman, forgave his son. The prophet sent Bilal again to Alqama. This time Alqama recited Quran very clearly. Reciting Quran he breathed his last. Prophet himself led his funeral prayer.
Oh sister, do you like to see your husband being burnt in the hellfire? Can you put up with it? You must see that your partner in life doesn't speak anything against his mother or does anything that keeps her aloof from him? Instead, you must encourage their close relation, and promote approaches that create a strong bond between them. If anything contrary to this had happened in the past, that must be corrected and sincerely apologized.
Can you consider your husband's mother as your own mother? Do you love and respect her sincerely? Do you do everything after consulting her and with her approval? Or do you do everything as you like? What is your mother-in-low's opinion about you? Good or bad? Does your mother in law feel that she has been ignored by you? Did you ever behave badly to her or were you angry with her? Did you show disrespect to her or adopt a policy of ‘tit for tat’ when dealing with her? Have you made mental preparation to patiently bear any undesirable experiences? Do you remember the evils should be countered with love and good deeds?
To be a good daughter in law is a difficult task. In fact it is an art. It brings about peace on earth, and rewards in the world hereafter. But it needs a lot of patience and adjustments; and give and take. These spring from faith in God and belief in the life hereafter.
To court the hatred of the mother-in-law is an offence much accursed. It disturbs peaceful life in this world and brings about punishment in the life hereafter. Therefore be a daughter in law loved by mother in law.