3. BETTER WOMAN;
  PEACEFUL HOME

Do your family provide you with pleasure when all of you meet? The best way to know this is to study how each member of the family spends his/her leisure. Does your husband rush to you after the day's work or does he spend his leisure in the street or in public places or with you at home? Does he get more pleasure and satisfaction when he is in your company or when in the company of his friends? Does your husband like to spend his time away from the family? If so why? Do you have any role in developing such a habit in him? ie, Has your countenance, speech, approach or behaviour influenced him? Did you ever think why he comes home very late after roaming in the streets or public places, keeping himself away from the family? Haven't you tried to see his habits as his own and blame him for such unacceptable behaviour? Did you ever feel that you too have a role in developing such habits in him? Did you ever probe into these matters?
Several male members do not show any sign of rushing back home after the day's work. They cannot be blamed for this. This may be due to the failure of their female counterparts to evoke interest in them. If the female members of the family create a happy atmosphere at home, and speak sweet words, their male counterparts will not fail to rush home after the day's tiresome work. The presence of such women is a great asset to the family. They would be able to draw even stone hearted people to them. That is why the prophet said:
"Apart from the rewards a believer gets for his piety to Allah he derives the most benefit from his righteous wife. She obeys when ordered; she is good to look at; when she makes a promise she keeps it; she safeguards her husbands wealth and her own chastity when he is away from home.” (Ibnu Maja)
Does your partner enjoy peace of mind when you are beside him or when he goes out? Do you provide him with peace of mind, worries? quietude or disharmony?
"Are you able to provide your partner with peace and pleasure when he comes home tired and disturbed? Everybody needs peace of mind. Neither money nor rich environment or luxury can provide it. There is nothing as precious as peace of mind. Therefore the greatest service one can do to his partner is providing peace of mind, a state of mind free from worries. The real duty of a wife towards her partner is to provide it.”
"He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them and he has put between you affection and mercy.” (30:21)
The house you live is called 'Maskan' in Arabic because it provides 'sukun' or peace. A building can be put up using materials, bricks and mortar, wood and iron etc. Though it becomes a house physically, it needn't be the home you aspire for. It can be a kennel, cage or hen house. Are you living in a house where your partner lives or in a lodging or hotel where you would like to spend time as little as possible or a 'Maskan' where you would like to spend as much time as possible?
How many times were your husband angry with you in the last one year? If you don't remember, please think about the last one month? How many times was he angry with you for reasons justifiable? Could you avoid it had you been a little careful? How did you respond when he was angry with you? Did you return in the same coin? Did his anger ever vanish as you responded so?
Did you ever suppress his anger? Or did you ever counter his anger by presenting a smiling face patiently with a quiet mind? How did he respond to such a situation? Did it quench his anger? As we know, fire cannot be put out with fire; anger cannot be put out with anger. Did you ever consciously try to pacify an angry husband? Can't you overcome such situations by giving no chance to your husband to be angry with you by giving him love and pleasure? If you overcome his anger a few times patiently, perhaps you may succeed in minimising the situations. As water puts out fire you can easily put out the anger of your partner. It requires conscious effort.
If your husband has bought rough clothes for you as a present, and obviously you don't like it, you may express your displeasure saying that it is good for nothing. "Would any body wear these types of cloth? or did you ever get a good cloth for me?" etc.
This will evoke a response of anger or displeasure in any man. He may sometimes keep it away and remark 'if you want, have it'.
Think what will happen if you say just the opposite, "you always bring me good clothes, that I like much? This is not bad, I would like to have it". Perhaps you must have selected it thinking that it was a good one. Now a days shop keepers swindle the consumers making illusions.
Any men who hears this remark may look at the cloth carefully and take it back to the shop, and get a good piece. This may make him more careful when he selects cloth next time.
However, nobody would like thanklessness. Rough speech begets hatered. All men needn't be able to satisfy their partners' wishes. Such situations are to be tackled by patience and good humour. One should not forget all the good things the man has done so far, and express thanklessness. Islam has proscribed such thanklessness. Abdullahibnu Umer (R) reported as said by the prophet "Allah would never bless a woman who is not thankful to her husband.” (Athargeeb wa tharheeb)
The prophet said: A good woman is one who is thankful when she has been given (something), patient when denied, fair to look at, and obeys when ordered. (Ahamed, Thabrani)